No matter what mood a family is aiming to create, or what send off they want to give a loved one, there’s a way to tailor a memorial service to achieve those objectives.

Last week, we brought you part 1 of what we think are 15 truly unique and meaningful ways to honour those we love and miss. Here’s part 2.

9. Butterfly Release

A butterfly release is a modern take on the more traditional dove release. Butterflies are symbolic of life, and many cultures believe the butterfly is linked to our souls. As the flutter of colourful wings takes flight, invite guests to think back to their favourite memory of the deceased. Some families choose to read a poem or prayer as the butterflies are released.

10. Memorial Tree

A meaningful memorial service idea that suits outdoor burials or services is to plant a memorial tree, perhaps in a location that holds special memories for the deceased’s family. An optional plaque can be included noting the loved one’s name and dates of birth and death. Some companies offer different types of trees that will grow using the cremated remains of the deceased.

11. Memorial Tree Seedlings

Other families take a unique approach to the memorial tree idea by distributing memorial tree seedlings to their guests. Seedlings can be planted however and wherever recipients wish with the result that, instead of one central memory tree, there are now multiple memory trees growing in honour of a loved one.

12. Memory Cards

A pile of memory cards and a few pens placed at the entrance to a memorial service can encourage guests to note down a special memory of the deceased before the service begins. Some families set aside time during the memorial service for guests to read their memories aloud. Memory cards can later be collected from guests, giving the family a lasting and touching record of their loved one’s life.

13. Memorial Scholarship

Those families looking to focus less on the memorial service itself and more on their loved one’s continuing legacy can ask guests to make a donation (however big or small) to a memorial fund. The donated sum can then be used to establish a named scholarship or provide other charitable assistance to a cause about which the deceased was passionate. A scholarship that assists a person in need to fulfil their dreams is a wonderful way to carry on a loved one’s legacy.

14. Take-Homes

Handing out a small, personalised gift that in some way represents your loved one – or some aspect of their personality or life – is a great way to provide guests with a tangible memory of the deceased. Did your loved one have a favourite lolly or baked treat? Or perhaps you have a favourite photo of your loved one that can be printed onto a plaque, charm or other memento. Sentimental take-homes are the perfect way to keep a loved one’s memory alive amongst family and friends.

15. Celebration of Life Ceremony

Celebration of life ceremonies are becoming an increasingly popular way of remembering and sharing the beauty and joy of a loved one’s life. These ceremonies can be held instead of or after a more traditional memorial service. They are usually a more casual affair – there is generally no casket or urn present, and they are often held at the family home or a favourite place of the deceased (as opposed to a funeral home or religious location). Put simply, a celebration of life ceremony can celebrate and incorporate any and all aspects of your loved one’s life – their wonderful personality, their favourite things to do, see or eat, and the light they brought to the lives of others.

Memorial services can and do cover the full spectrum – from quiet and cosy to extravagant and loud; from planting a memorial tree in a favourite outdoor location, to biting into a personalised cookie.

At the end of the day, what’s important is that the family of the deceased feels that the memorial service they choose to hold adequately and appropriately remembers and honours their loved one.

Would you consider using any of our 15 creative memorial service ideas? Share your thoughts in the comments section below.

The post 15 Unique and Meaningful Memorial Service Ideas – Part 2 appeared first on Gathered Here.

These days, it’s not unusual for mourners to look for unique and creative memorial service ideas to achieve that personalised goodbye. And just because you might be considering a traditional funeral, it doesn’t mean that there’s no room for creativity or customisation.  One example of a meaningful – and unconventional – memorial service that we recently wrote about is the surfing paddle out ceremony. Of course, the opportunities are endless but here’s Part 1 of our list of 15 truly unique and meaningful ways to honour those we love and miss.

1. Quote Board

Did your loved one have a favourite quote? Or perhaps they passed on a life lesson that stuck with you. Make a quote board by displaying those meaningful words on a large piece of card, a chalkboard or any other background. A sentimental and personal touch to a memorial service that’s easy and inexpensive.

2. Tribute video

Video tributes are a popular way to celebrate the life of the deceased. Whether endearingly home-made, or impressively professional, these tributes – which can include photos, home videos and any other available multimedia – are a brilliant way to bring a spot of joy to a memorial service.

3. Tree of Life

A tree of life can also bring a joyful, positive note to a memorial service. If holding the service outside, consider hanging photos or other mementos of the deceased from a tree’s branches, or around its trunk. If inside, a single decorative branch or small potted tree works too. The tree personalises the memorial service setting and gives guests the opportunity to connect over memories of the deceased’s life.

4. Memorial Fireworks

An unforgettable memorial service idea that’s sure to send a loved one off with a bang is memorial fireworks. Fireworks are vibrant and colourful and are a beautiful way to remember a life lived with vigour. Family members looking for a creative way to scatter their loved one’s ashes can have the cremains mixed into the fireworks gunpowder, making for a truly spectacular send off.

5. Engraved photo urns

Also for those whose loved one has been cremated, an engraved photo urn – that is, an urn with with the deceased’s portrait engraved onto it – makes for a unique and beautiful tribute, both at the memorial service, and in the family’s home. For more general information about urns, see our Guide to Cremation Urns.

6. Lantern Release

A lantern release allows every guest at a memorial service to actively participate in a loved one’s goodbye. Lanterns floating up into a night sky create a beautiful image. Some mourners write personal messages to the deceased on the inside of the lantern before releasing it into the heavens.

7. Memorial Stones

Memorial stones are an ideal memorial service idea for families wanting to give each guest the opportunity to share their memory of the deceased. Guests are invited to write a memory or message on river rock (small smooth stones). The stones with their messages can then be kept by the family, or scattered in a meaningful location.

8. Glass Art

The use of artwork to honour a loved one is a unique and very personal idea. Families can commission a commemorative piece of art – such as a painting or sculpture – which, when displayed in their home, serves as a beautiful reminder of their loved one. Some artists are even able to create glass pieces using a loved one’s ashes. Artworks offer families a tangible way to keep their loved ones near.

Whether it’s leaving this world with a fireworks bang or scattering loving memories on stones throughout the family garden, there’s no shortage of creative memorial service ideas for those wanting a meaningful and personalised service. Let us know what you think – share your favourite memorial service idea in the comments section below.

See the full picture and make fully informed decisions. Move forward in the certainty that your loved one’s memory will be looked after. Funeral Homes are Gathered Here.

››› Or get quotes from funeral homes

The post 15 Unique and Meaningful Memorial Service Ideas – Part 1 appeared first on Gathered Here.

“People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth.”

In those final moments, Ware explains that patients experience the whole range of emotions: denial, fear, anger, remorse, and eventually acceptance. There’s an incredible wisdom that we can learn from and apply to our own lives today thanks to Ware and the patients who shared their dying thoughts. Here are the top five regrets at end-of-life:

1. “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself”

This is the most common regret of all patients and it’s easy to understand why. In retrospect, life is short, and so much time is often spent following the status quo and what is expected of us, rather than our dreams. While it may not be possible for all of us to do what we want, whenever we want, it’s important to think about the things that truly matter and find ways to pursue them.

These are choices that we alone can make, and for many it is difficult to look back thinking what could have been had we made different choices. When we lose our health, it’s too late. In health we have a freedom that we don’t even realise we have until we lose it.

2. “I wish I didn’t work so hard”

While many women spoke of this regret, it is something that men almost always express in their dying days. The reason this is more commonly expressed by men is because the patients were typically of the generation when they were the sole breadwinner for their family.

At the end-of-life it’s easy to reflect that we should have spent more time with our partner, our children and the special time in which they grow into young adults. Again, it comes down to the choices we make in life. All the time spent climbing the corporate ladder, immersed in the rat race, what is it for, truly? Status, money, power – it all means very little when we look back and take hold of the hands of those who are closest to our hearts.

3. “I wish I didn’t hold back my feelings”

Coming in at third place is the wish that we were more honest about our feelings. This is something most of us can relate to every day. How many times do we choose not to say something, or to say the thing which will cause the least disruption even if it’s not true? We often choose to say something, or not say something, because it’s the easy thing to do.

By being honest we can build deeper, stronger and more meaningful relationships with those around us. We open up new possibilities and conversations. How many times have we heard the story where the father is only able to tell his son that he loves him on his deathbed? Decades of pent up emotions come gushing out and a yearning for what could have been and how time could have been spent if they were honest from the start.

4. “I wish I had kept in touch with my friends”

Everyone reminisces the good times when they are dying. Joyful and golden memories raise us up, but what happened to the friends that filled those memories? As we get older it’s easy to become too preoccupied with life and let our best friendships slip away.

Once upon a time it was almost impossible to find childhood friends when the connection was lost. But these days with Facebook and social media, there’s no excuse for tracking down the friends who once formed such an important part of your life. Is there someone you should get back in touch with today?

5. “I wish that I had let myself be happier”

How many of us choose to let our emotions get caught up in unimportant things every day? We can choose to focus on the negative things or we can let them go and be thankful for the day we have today.

Sometimes it can be a habit that builds up over time, so slowly that we only realise what has happened at the very end. Chasing the seriousness of life can lead to us forgetting how to laugh, be silly, and smile. Happiness is a choice, but for so many it becomes one we forget how to make.

A common thread through all of this is choice. Whether it’s the choice to be happy, to stay in touch with friends, say the hard words, or follow your dreams. It’s so simple.

These words of the dying are a gift to those of us who are still living. We still have the freedom to make choices – choices that will let us live a life that we can look back on without any regrets.

That’s it – what do you think of the top 5 regrets people have at end-of-life? How many can you relate to?

See the full picture and make fully informed decisions. Move forward in the certainty that your loved one’s memory will be looked after. Funeral Homes are Gathered Here.

››› Or get quotes from funeral homes

The post 5 Regrets of the Dying that Will Make You Rethink Your Life appeared first on Gathered Here.

With the average cost of a burial in Australia being around $19,000, price is going to be a factor for most families. In this article we’ll look at 8 practical steps you can take to save on funeral costs.

If you haven’t done so already, you should also check to see whether you’re eligible for any assistance with funeral costs.

1. Understand the Costs

Before you even begin speaking to funeral directors, it’s important that you understand the key costs. This way, you won’t feel overwhelmed, you’ll be speaking the same language as the funeral director and know the right questions to ask.

• Professional Services Fee – covers the arrangement of the funeral, such as meeting with the family and organising the venue, newspaper notices, death certificates, celebrants and other third parties
• Transfer Fee – transportation of the deceased to the funeral home
• Mortuary Care Fee – preparation and storage of the body
• Viewing Fee – visitation of the deceased before the funeral
• Third Party Fees – any services supplied by third parties, such as a celebrant, musician, funeral flowers, newspaper notices, venue hire and catering
• Coffin or casket

If you opt for a cremation, you will also need to account for the cost of the cremation fee and urn. If you opt for a burial, you’ll need to budget for a gravestone. In both cases, if you plan on interring the remains at a cemetery, you will also need to purchase a burial plot (known as a right of interment), a burial vault or grave liner, and pay the opening and closing fee for the grave.

2. Consider a Cremation Instead of a Burial

Cremations can be significantly cheaper than burials, primarily because you don’t have to inter the remains in a cemetery. With the populations of major cities increasing, combined with only limited space for cemeteries, the cost of burial plots has increased dramatically over the past 10 years. In Sydney, the cost of a burial plot can anywhere range from $4,000 to $52,000.

In addition to avoiding the cost of the burial plot, opting for a cremation also means you don’t have to pay for opening and closing fees, a grave liner or a headstone, which are each significant costs in their own right.

When you compare the average cost of a cremation ($7,500) with the average cost of a burial ($19,000) it’s easy to see why cremations have grown in popularity. In Australian cities, cremations now account for almost 70% of all funerals.

3. Better Yet, Consider a Memorial Service

Without a doubt, a “no service no attendance” cremation (or direct cremation) is the cheapest funeral option. With all-inclusive packages starting from around $1,500, the savings are dramatic. However, as the name suggests there is no service for the deceased, and for many families this option lacks closure and the chance to say farewell.

An option that is growing in popularity is a no service no attendance cremation coupled with a memorial service. A memorial service is a service that takes place after the burial or cremation. They can be held at the family home, a park, beach or other place of significance.

As you can imagine, holding a memorial service is also much cheaper than a traditional funeral service because you don’t need all the staff and equipment that is normally required to have the body present at the service.

4. Shop Around

For most people, a funeral will be one of the most expensive purchasing decisions they make in their life. Like any other consumer service, it’s important to shop around to find the best price and service. But let’s face it – doing the ring around following the death of a loved one is the last thing that anyone wants to do. Thankfully there are now a number of websites that can help families with the research. For example, Gathered Here is a free funeral comparison website that lets families compare the prices and reviews of over 600 funeral homes around Australia.

5. Don’t be Afraid to Talk About Price

It’s the most normal thing in the world to feel uncomfortable talking about the price of a funeral. Yet unless you do, it’s likely that you’ll be steered towards more expensive products and additional services that you don’t need.

Asking about the most cost-effective options in no way diminishes how much you love someone. If your funeral director is making you feel “cheap” or like you owe the deceased “the best” of everything, it’s a sure fire sign that you should take your business elsewhere.

6. Ask for an Itemised Price List

When you are getting quotes from funeral directors, make sure you ask for an itemised quote. Some funeral directors will do their best to avoid giving you specific details so that there is some wiggle room in the final bill for some additional extras.

Keep in mind that according to state legislation, it is your right to request an itemised quote, so don’t settle for anything less.

7. Ask for the Coffin Price List

When choosing the coffin, in addition to being physically shown the different options, ask for their coffin price list and ask them to explain their cheapest options. It can be common practice for funeral directors to not display the cheapest options and to start families on a mid-range coffin, hoping they’re wont ask any questions.

For more information on the cost of a coffin and cheap coffin options, see our Guide to Coffin Prices in Australia.

8. Know the Extras You Can Skip

In addition to the core services, there are a number of non-essential items that, while seemingly smaller costs, can really add up.

• Flowers (+$300) – instead of a full flower arrangement, opt to adorn the coffin with a single rose or a photo.
• Sealing (+$200) – you might be offered a sealed coffin to offer more protection to the body. As the body will ultimately decompose in any case, skipping this is an easy way to save.
• Embalming (+$800) – this procedure is only legally required if the body is to be buried above ground in a vault or mausoleum. Contrary to popular opinion, there is no evidence that embalming is a more hygienic option.
• Funeral cars and limousines (+$400) – rather than having funeral cars to transport the family, drive yourself or arrange for other family members to drive.
• Newspaper Notices (+$300) – with just about everyone being on social media these days, many families are opting to skip newspaper notices altogether and instead share the details of the funeral online for free.

The bottom line is that funerals are expensive, but by making some sensible decisions it’s possible to save thousands of dollars. However, before you get to the stage of cutting costs, it’s important to properly understand the wishes of your loved one. Make sure you’ve taken the time to discuss it beforehand, and that you know what is important and what isn’t. More often than not, it’s not about the fancy coffin and flowers. You might be surprised by what you find out.

For more guidance on finding a funeral director in and around our major cities, see our capital city guides:

• Funeral Directors Sydney
• Funeral Directors Melbourne
• Funeral Directors Brisbane
• Funeral Directors Adelaide
• Funeral Directors Perth

See the full picture and make fully informed decisions. Move forward in the certainty that your loved one’s memory will be looked after. Funeral Homes are Gathered Here.

››› Or get quotes from funeral homes

The post 8 Tips to Save Money on Funeral Costs appeared first on Gathered Here.

This type of memorial service isn’t just reserved for surfers, and can be arranged for anyone who had a true love for the ocean. Away from any other people, under the open sky, bobbing gently beyond the breakwater, they are a beautiful ceremony that can take your breath away.

For more creative memorial ideas, see our article on unique and meaningful memorial ideas.

1. Eddie Aikau, Waimea Bay – 4 December 2010

Aikau was the first lifeguard in Hawaii and a legendary big wave surfer. During his service as a lifeguard, not a single swimmer lost their life at Waimea Bay. His contributions to society transcended surfing and his legacy is still visible all throughout Hawaii today.

2. Pastor Chuck Smith, Huntington Beach, 21 October 2013

Smith helped to initiate the Harvest Crusade, was in charge of the Calvary Chapel of Costa Mesa for nearly 50 years where it grew t over 10,000 faithful.

3. Andy Irons, Hanalei Bay, 14 November 2010

Irons was a professional surfer who won three world titles in his career. He is the only surfer in history to have won a title at every venue in a single ASP calendar year.

4. Ted Smith, WindanSea, 15 January 2012

Considered by many as a surf legend of WindanSea in Western Australia, hundreds of community members paddled out to pay tribute to Smith’s life.

5. Jay Adams, Venice Beach, 30 August 2014

Adams was the youngest member of the legendary Z-Boys skateboarding team whose innovative freestyle skateboarding style, influenced by surfing, inspired and shaped what we now know as modern skateboarding.

6. Ben Carlson, Newport Beach, 6 July 2014

Carlson was a lifeguard at Newport Beach where he passed away, aged 32, in an attempt to save a swimmer. About 2,500 people entered the water and 5,000 more stood on the shores to commemorate his life.

7. Isla Vista Victims Paddle Out, 29 May 2014

Hundreds of students paddle out to honour 6 students who were killed in Elliot Rodger’s mass shooting.

8. Brian Ward, East Atlantic Beach, 25 March 2017

Ward was a local surfing legend of Long Beach, famous for surfing the big hurricane swells.

9. Hobie Alter, Doheny State Beach, 20 April 2014

Alter helped popularise water sports with the invention of the foam surfboard and the “Hobie Cat” sailboat. Aged 80, his last wish was to be commemorated by a traditional paddle out.

10. Toby Flew, One Mile Beach 28 February 2014

When Flew lost his battle with cancer, the One Mile Beach community held a paddle out and surfing event in his honour, raising money for the Calvary Mater Newcastle Hospital where he was treated.

See the full picture and make fully informed decisions. Move forward in the certainty that your loved one’s memory will be looked after. Funeral Homes are Gathered Here.

››› Or get quotes from funeral homes

The post 10 Breathtaking Surfing Paddle Out Ceremonies appeared first on Gathered Here.

In the same way that a funeral is a deeply personal celebration and memorialisation of a someone’s life, finding a “good” funeral director that is right for you is also a personal question. And simply because someone clicks with a certain funeral director doesn’t mean that they’ll necessarily completely understand and deliver on your wishes.

What are the warning signs?

So while it’s no possible to give you a definitive list of the best funeral directors in Sydney, for example (because the top funeral directors for one person will be different from the top funeral directors for another person) there are some sure fire signs to tell if you’re talking to the wrong funeral director.

1. They pressure you to meet in-person

When a loved one passes away, it’s natural for families to go into shock – even if their health has been on the decline for some time. While many funeral directors are honest, compassionate and ethical, there are many who know that people in this state of mind are vulnerable and can be exploited.

If your first step is to call a few funeral directors and ask a questions around the different options and prices, beware of funeral directors who:

• only give you vague information
• offer a list of reasons as to why they can’t be more specific about their prices
• state that the only way they can provide you with all the details you need is if they meet you in person

This is a classic strategy designed to put pressure on families and “close” a deal quickly. When a family has spent 2 hours meeting with a funeral director, going through all of the options and planning, most find it difficult to back out. And who could blame them? The thought of having to do all of it again with another funeral director is often just too much for most families to bear on top of everything else and with only a limited amount of time to finalise arrangements.

2. They don’t explain the most cost effective options

Funerals are expensive, and how they are costed and calculated can be confusing. You might find our Guide to Funeral Costs in Australia a useful starting point.

Many funeral directors will try to upsell you at every available opportunity. Sometimes it will be obvious, but more often than not, it will be subtle – and unless you’re looking out for it, it might just pass you by completely.

A common example is where they simply assume that you want a mid or top of the range option without explaining the more cost effective options. For example, they might include limousines to transport the family without asking if that’s what you want, or start at a mid-range coffin rather than explaining the cheaper options. For guidance on how much a coffin costs, see our guide to coffin prices.

The reason for this is simple. Once a person has been put in this position, it can be difficult and awkward to ask about the cheaper options as they don’t want to be perceived as being “cheap” or caring more about money than their loved one.

3. They use emotionally manipulative language

Again, the use of manipulative language is something that can be obvious or very subtle. Look out for funeral directors who use the following phrases:

• “You could go with the cheap option, but I’m sure you want the best for him…”
• “…it’s what he would want”
• “You probably don’t want a particle board coffin, most people choose this one which is much better quality”

All of this language is designed to make you feel guilty about even thinking about choosing a cheaper option or choosing not to include a non-essential service.

4. They are impatient

A good funeral director should be polite, professional, courteous and compassionate. They should listen and help you plan the vision you have for the funeral and never make you feel like an inconvenience or dumb for asking questions.

I’ve experienced first hand funeral directors who got frustrated and short with me when I couldn’t describe the exact funeral we wanted, and asked about the various options available.

It’s important to remember that for most people, it will be their first experience planning a funeral – so it’s all new territory. Impatience can also be a method funeral directors use to put pressure on a  customer to get them to sign. If you’ve been made to feel indebted to a funeral director and that unless you sign the contract you’re wasting their time, it’s a sign that you should get out and reassess.

5. They tell you embalming is required

Embalming is a procedure that is used to preserve the body and delay decomposition, and is generally only legally required if the body is to be buried above ground in a vault or mausoleum.

While some families may choose embalming if the body is to be viewed, as the process gives the body a more life-like appearance, it is definitely not a legal requirement. There is also a myth that embalming is done for hygiene reasons and to stop the spread of disease, but there is no evidence to support this.

So beware of funeral directors who tell you that embalming is a requirement. It’s an expensive process and can cost upwards of $800, and it’s almost always unnecessary.

6. They find ways to avoid your questions on pricing

You want to make sure your funeral director is upfront with you on pricing from the beginning. If they can provide you with a copy of their price list, that’s the best, but at the very minimum they should talk you through the various options and provide you with an itemised quote.

If a funeral director manages to get your business without being clear on pricing, it opens up the real possibility that when you get the final bill there will be shock costs and services on there that you didn’t know about or discuss. We’ve heard hundreds of stories of this happening to grieving families. Make sure you know exactly what you’re getting and how much it’s going to cost.

One of the most frustrating things to go through when a loved one has passed is trying to call up and find price information from funeral directors, only to never be given a straight answer. And further than that, many people in the midst of grief simply can’t bring themselves to do the call around.

That’s exactly why we created our website, Gathered Here. By simply entering in your postcode, you can see and compare prices of all funeral homes in your area without picking up the phone. Avoid sales pressure and only pick up the phone when you’re ready.

For information on average prices, take a look at our articles on the Average Price of a Burial an the Average Price of a Cremation. For more specific information on funeral costs and how to find the right funeral director in your state, see our city guides:

• Funeral Directors Sydney
• Funeral Directors Melbourne
• Funeral Directors Brisbane
• Funeral Directors Adelaide
• Funeral Directors Perth

At one of the most challenging times in anyone’s life, dealing with the passing of someone you love is hard enough. The last thing we need is to be manipulated, taken advantage of and made to feel even worse. If you know you’re not in the right frame of mind to make big decisions, a good tip is to bring a support person with you. Aside from the emotional support, they’ll probably find it easier to pick up on these signals.

See the full picture and make fully informed decisions. Move forward in the certainty that your loved one’s memory will be looked after. Funeral Homes are Gathered Here.

››› Or get quotes from funeral homes

The post 6 Signs You’ve Chosen the Wrong Funeral Director appeared first on Gathered Here.

Grieving Australian families are the most vulnerable consumers in the marketplace. In shock, with limited time, and without pricing information they are required to make one of the biggest purchasing decisions of their lives.

Our proposal would eliminate opportunistic price increases, ensure greater competition, bring down inflated prices, and improve service.

Technology is changing; the world is changing; and the regulations to protect vulnerable Australian consumers must change as well.

Please SIGN this petition and SHARE it so we can take it to the federal and state regulatory bodies.

If you have been taken advantage of planning a funeral please TELL US YOUR STORY in the comments section.

Thank you so much for your support.

Sincerely,
Colin Wong
Founder, Gathered Here

See the full picture and make fully informed decisions. Move forward in the certainty that your loved one’s memory will be looked after. Funeral Homes are Gathered Here.

››› Or get quotes from funeral homes

The post Petition: Require Online Funeral Price Disclosure appeared first on Gathered Here.